


Replacing milk with coffee is a gay power move

by Karmahatesme



Category: Monster High
Genre: Clawd is doing his best, Clawdeen is a powerful lesbian, Cleo is the only non crackhead in the group, F/F, F/M, Ghoulia memes a lot, Is this....another chatfic?, Jinafire burns everything, M/M, Oh look and it’s gay!, Probably OOC but I mean...they just vibe!, Yall expected this now, a lot of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karmahatesme/pseuds/Karmahatesme
Summary: lesbianfurry: what if i replace the milk i use in my cereal with coffee?possiblecommunist: what if you dont????lesbianfurry: too late i did itSparky: clawdeen no-lesbianfurry: im going to throw up nowLetmelive: The stuff that happens in this group chat makes me question my sanity
Relationships: Abbey Bominable/Frankie Stein, Cleo de Nile/Deuce Gorgon, Draculaura/Clawdeen Wolf, Heath Burns/Manny Taur, Skelita Calaveras/Jinafire Long, Twyla/Howleen Wolf, Venus McFlytrap/Robecca Steam
Comments: 25
Kudos: 133





	1. Crack at 3am

**Author's Note:**

> G A Y M O N S T E R S
> 
> Also this is based before the crossover in my Ever After High Chatfic so some couples aren’t together yet

_Rave in the_ _grave_

possiblecommunist: How do you convince others that Russia is shit but has good memes? 

lesbianfurry: sounds like communist propaganda but ok 

Sparky: Abbey why do you even want to tell people that? 

possiblecommunist: because i want to make people believe I’m Russian 

fosh: ok but why do you need our opinions on it? 

possiblecommunist: stop asking questions or my FBI agent will become suspicious

lesbianfurry: lmao mines already quit

Sparky: i think i killed mine

painintheneck: wtf how come you guys got FBI agents and all i got was a shitty uncle? 

possiblecommunist: idk but i blame my family 

fosh: i fuckin hate Australia

Letmelive: why lagoona? 

fosh: THE SIZE OF SPIDERS FUCKING HELL HAVE YOU SEEN THEM

Letmelive: try heatwaves 24 fucking 7

Sparky: so dramatic Cleo

Letmelive: SHUT UP

painintheneck: lmao our point is getting proved

lesbianfurry: do you think if you sneezed draculaura youd turn into a bat by accident? 

fosh: what the fuck Clawdeen

possiblecommunist: crackhead thoughts with a lesbian

painintheneck: ive done it, it’s painful, fuck that

lesbianfurry: lmao niiiiiiice

Sparky: i have a theory 

Letmelive: no you cannot kill robecca by shocking her

Sparky: fuck you cleo that was one time

possiblecommunist: just let her say her theory 

lesbianfurry: *cough* thats gay

possiblecommunist: youre gay

lesbianfurry: shit you got me there! 

deadinsideandout: WHATS UP FUCKERS

Sparky: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY PHONE

deadinsideandout: FUCK YOU THATS WHY! 

Letmelive: this fucking chat istg 

possiblecommunist: we*

lesbianfurry: SHE CONFIRMED IT ABBEYS A FUCKING COMMUNIST

possiblecommunist: WAIT SHIT JO

fosh: whos jo? 

fosh: WAIT

deadinsideandout: JO MAMA

painintheneck: ghoulia has managed to take another life with the use of ligma

Sparky: whats ligma

deadinsideandout: LIGMA BALLS

painintheneck: scratch that we have two deaths now

possiblecommunist: can we get an F in the chat for our fallen brethren? 

lesbianfurry: f

painintheneck: f

deadinsideandout: f

Letmelive:...f

possiblecommunist: Man it must be bad if cleo says f

fosh: fuck you guys im gonna listen to Christmas songs

Sparky: have fun with that but now here’s the big question

Sparky: where the fuck does Cupid go? Like some days shes here and other days she’s just gone like my parents

Letmelive: Ok first Frankie we talked about how you can’t make sad jokes about your parents because we’re all concerned about you and second, how the fuck am I meant to know????

Sparky: IDK BUT HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET TO USE PERFECT LANGUAGE AND THEN SAY FUCK AT THE END

possiblecommunist: frankie, the loml, What the fuck are you saying

possiblecommunist: WAIT NO WJDODK

Sparky: WIDHDKCMM

painintheneck: Ha that’s gay! 

lesbianfurry: draculaura we’ve been dating for-

painintheneck: HWKCJWOM

lesbianfurry: got em

fosh: im so lonely wtf

Letmelive: cant relate but now we have three disfunctional gays in the chat

deadinsideandout: lmaoooooo imagine being disfunctional

lesbianfurry: ghoulia shut up youre ace 

deadinsideandout: and im also dead but nobody ever fucking talks about that either

Letmelive: Oh my fucking god why did I become friends with you guys

lesbianfurry: beats me but its probably because I regretfully Joined the fear squad

Letmelive: Oh yeah cause you managed to lift up me and torali and i thought youd be good for the gays

fosh: Yeah cause shes stronk 

deadinsideandout: my child is learning 

painintheneck: i mean yeah Clawdeen made me realise im lesbian

Letmelive: I mean, Clawd now just warns Howleen that if she ever gets a girlfriend or boyfriend that she should keep them away from Clawdeen

lesbianfurry: im that powerful bitches

possiblecommunist: join russia today to become communist

Sparky: ABBEY STOP BLASTING THE USSR THEME YOURE GONNA GET DETENTION

Letmelive: FOR FUCKS SAKE


	2. The Teen Wolf siblings are nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *runs into wall*: HNNNNNN PLEASE CLAWDEEN HELP ME
> 
> Coffeeismyblood: i dont know this is a pretty good situation you put yourself in
> 
> Bigfurry: Yeah sis! 
> 
> *runs into wall*: YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING TRAITORS AGHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we look into the Wolf family, including:
> 
> •Clawd’s furry antics
> 
> •Disaster Lesbian Howleen! 
> 
> •Clawdeen on her third coffee of the day! 
> 
> And so much more!

_Thats it! Get on the fridge!_

Coffeeismyblood: clawd i need that scout report on our disaster younger sibling

Bigfurry: well currently howleen is talking to twyla 

Coffeeismyblood: possible flirting? 

Bigfurry: perhaps but I can’t tell from here too many people talking

*runs into wall*: What the fuck are you two doing

Coffeeismyblood: SHIT 

Bigfurry: ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

*runs into wall*: WERE YOU TWO SHITHEADS SPYING ON MR AND TWYLA

Coffeeismyblood: perhaps

Bigfurry: perhaps

*runs into wall*: fuck you guys and wanting me to make a move already

*runs into wall*: im a disaster lesbian its gonna be a long time before I confess

Coffeeismyblood: well thats where we come in! 

Bigfurry: Yeah! 

Coffeeismyblood: all we need is a closet and a key! 

*runs into wall*: try that and im telling mom youre the reason all the coffee goes missing

Coffeeismyblood: you little shit you wouldnt dare

Bigfurry: She would, When I ‘accidentally’ bumped into Twyla to make her fall into Sis’ arms she told dad i shedded on the couch 

*runs into wall*: i have plenty of blackmail against you two 

*runs into wall*: dont make me have to use it

Coffeeismyblood: sis stop tryna square up youre a disaster around your best friend

*runs into wall*: September 21, 2019, you and Draculaura went to your room to ‘study’ by forgot how thin the walls were, I heard what I needed to hear and I was ultimately traumatized 

Coffeeismyblood: holy shit 

Bigfurry: ngl I heard it too and sis please hold back a little

Coffeeismyblood: shut up shut up SHUT UP

*runs into wall*: my job here is done

*runs into wall*: jekfjkmen

Coffeeismyblood: ?

Bigfurry: she ran into Twyla

Coffeeismyblood: ah

Bigfurry: she’s being such a disaster WAIT THEYRE GOING SOMEWHERE

Coffeeismyblood: WELL FOLLOW THEM YPU SLOW ASS BITCH

Bigfurry: I CANT THE BELL JUST RANG AND THERES SO MANY FUCKING PEOPME HERE 

Coffeeismyblood: UGHHHHH FOR FUCKE SAKE 

*runs into wall*: see ya later bitches

Bigfurry: SIS NO

Coffeeismyblood: UGH WHT THE FUCK WE LOST THEM

Bigfurry: NOW WE CANT MAKE FUN OF HER

Coffeeismyblood: I mean I was gonna say support her then make fun of her

Bigfurry: true very true

Coffeeismyblood: im just worried as well cause like shes our little sis who ran into a wall when she got too excited and broke her nose

Bigfurry: yeah and you split coffee on yourself and spent the day crying in your room

Coffeeismyblood: well fuck you too Ross

Bigfurry: ross what are you OH FUCK YOU SHE DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS LESBIAN SO HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW

Coffeeismyblood: YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIM OMFG HEIDJ

*runs into wall*: first of all fuck you two for calling me out and second of all bitches I got a girlfriend

Bigfurry: Wait WHAT

Coffeeismyblood: NICE WORK

*runs into wall*: now clawd’s the single one

Bigfurry: fuck you 

*runs into wall*: IM TELLING MOM

Bigfurry: WELL ILL TELL HER YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND WITHOUT TELLING HER 

*runs into wall*: FUCK YOU MOM GOT YOU MEGABLOCKS INSTEAD OF LEGOS

Bigfurry: YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK YOU LITTLE SHIT

*runs into wall*: BITCH YOU CANT HURT ME ILL NEVER TAKE IT BACK

Coffeeismyblood: stop arguing

*runs into wall*: No bitch

Coffeeismyblood: WHAT DID YOU SAY

*runs into wall*: GOTTA BLAST WITH MY GF

Bigfurry: NO GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

*runs into wall*: NEVER YOU TALL ASS BITCH

Coffeeismyblood: WE CAN GOD DAMN SNIFF YOU OUT 

*runs into wall*: OH SHIT OH FUCK OH SHIT

Coffeeismyblood: ALRIGHT THATS IT GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE

*runs into wall*: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE


	3. Robecca with a knife, what crimes will she commit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SteamedHams: “oWn YoUr FrEaKy FlAwS!” Bitch the freaky flaw I have is daddy issues
> 
> Murder!: same but I also have anger issues
> 
> DootDoot: I just have anxiety lmao
> 
> McDie: I just have ✨issues✨
> 
> CupidSuxxLmao: are any of you ok????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we have the side gang, they argue about party games and Robecca is a little shit

_The sexy side characters_

McDie: so I’m banning Cupid from playing Mario kart 

CupidSuxxLmao: WHAT

CupidSuxxLmao: WHY I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING???

McDie: YOUR WINGS SPIKE OUT WHEN YOU GET INTENSE AND IT FUCKINF STABBED ROBECCA THROUGU THE ARM

SteamedHams: lmao it was awesome

McDie: IT WAS NOT AWESOME

Murder!: I am going to commit Homiecide

SteamedHams: sexy

Murder!: Venus your girlfriend is going to die

McDie: NOOOO PLEASE SHE HAS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR

SteamedHams: do I really doe? I blew up the microwave today cause Abbey tricked me into thinking I could shrink pennies by putting them in the microwave

DootDoot: YOU DID W H A T?????

SteamedHams: oh shit hey mom

DootDoot: ROBECCA WHAT THE FUCK

SteamedHams: SHE SAID IT REALLY CONVINCINGLY 

McDie: arent you meant to be artificially smarter than everyone in this school except for ghoulia?

SteamedHams: si

CupidSuxxLmao: Venus honey what were you expecting?

McDie: I dunno some standards and good mental health?

DootDoot: You know none of us have that

CupidSuxxLmao: the amount of concerning things you guys say daily-

Murder!: stfu go shag your dumb blonde girlfriend that goes to another school

CupidSuxxLmao: HER NAME IS BLONDIE AND SHE IS LITERALLY IN A WHOLE OTHER UNIVERSE YOU ASSHOLE

Murder!: yes I am an asshole how could you tell?

McDie: this chat is a fucking mess at times

DootDoot: all of us are messed up Venus

CupudSuxxLmao: true

SteamedHams: true

Murder!: true

McDie: true

SteamedHams: um Chile anyways so I may have made Jin mad

DootDoot: how and why

SteamedHams: I said “I like ya cut g” and then proceeded to slap the back of her head

SteamedHams: I forgot I was a robot for a moment 

SteamedHams: and her head slams forward into the desk

CupidSuxxLmao:...

CupidSuxxLmao: How the fuck do you forget that you’re a robot

SteamedHams: I dunno how do you have a girlfriend when you literally stab everyone with your wings

CupidSuxxLmao: cause I drink my respect women juice daily

SteamedHams: we all do we’re lesbians and bisexuals 

McDie: yeah robecca you might wanna run

SteamedHams: why?

DoorDoot: jinafire is looking for you

McDie: and she has a screwdriver 

SteamedHams: well it was nice knowing gwidbwidnsosbk 

McDie: BABE NOOOOOOO

DootDoot: f

CupidSuxxLmao: f

Murder!: the evil has been defeated

SteamedHams: THIS BITCH TOOK MY MOTHERFUCKING LEG

DootDoot: Jinafire give Robecca her leg back

Murder!: no

DootDoot: well ive done all I can

SteamedHams: I AM INTENSELY HOPPING AFTER JINAFIRE AND I AM GOING TO STAB THIS BITCH

CupidSuxxLmao: Robecca with a knife what crimes will she commit?

SteamedHams: arson

CupidSuxxLmao: how do you commit arson with a knife you idiot

McDie: she’s trying Cupid she rarely has the braincell

SteamedHams: WOW

SteamedHams: betrayed by my own gf smh

SteamedHams: wait wait I just saw one of those dumb posters 

SteamedHams: “oWn YoUr FrEaKy FlAwS!” Bitch the freaky flaw I have is daddy issues

Murder!: same but I also have anger issues

DootDoot: I just have anxiety lmao

McDie: I just have ✨issues✨

CupidSuxxLmao: are any of you ok????

SteamedHams: no

Murder!: no

DootDoot: no

McDie: no

CupidSuxxLmao: oh same

McDie: welp there’s the bell

DootDoot: see you guys after class

Murder!: farewell

SteamedHams: bye!

SteamedHams: WAIT JINAFIRE GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING LEG


End file.
